Softly / Softly – The tenderness of too much pain

The legendary South African bard Don Mattera a.k.a. Bra Zinga a.k.a. Bra Don a.k.a. Uncle Don, wrote the following poem:

Azanian Love Song

Pg 91

Softly

Cry softly my love

As we burn in the storm

Love is sweet,

Bitter

We are the debris,

The litter

The storm abates

Fire cleanses the soul

Wanderers in the wind

Tomorrow belongs to us

I wrote:

Softly - The tenderness of too much pain

Be easy baby

Jo'burg is an unfeeling place

We have each other,

Broken

We are it's character

Our hustle & struggle unspoken

Egoli, The city of gold will heal all

Ponte lights the way

Lost souls in purgatory

We are the masters of our destiny

Do It Differently!

"Instead of wallowing in my misery, I just made some changes." - Stephanie Mills

You can do something the same way for so long that you begin to do it without thinking. When you are not thinking about what you are doing, you may not recognize its effects - positive or negative. Very often, the habit of doing a certain thing in a certain way robs you of new experiences. In order to learn to grow and be happy, you must always seek the new.

Take a new route to work today.

Eat lunch in a new environment.

Speak to someone before they speak to you, or let them speak first if you are normally the initiator.

Listen to the radio instead of watching television.

Instead of listening to your regular radio station change it to something completely different.

Take a bath in the morning instead of at night.

Take a shower instead of a bath.

Walk up the stairs instead of taking the escalator of elevator.

Listen to your surrounding instead of trying to tune it out with music, the radio or television.

Enjoy your environment!

Walk barefoot in your house. Walk on the grass barefoot.

Be conscious of what you do and how you do it!

Be open to happy new experiences!

Be Ready to be surprised!

Today's Insight:

Today I Am willing to do it differently.

Be Ready!

"One never knows what each day is going to bring. The important thing is to be ready for it." - Henry Moore.

Are you ready for the blessings awaiting you today?

Have you prepared for the abundance the universe has prepared for you this day?

All you need to do to accept these free gifts is open yourself up to them. Open yourself up to being more conscious of your actions, and surroundings, that way you will be able to recognize your daily blessing and fully accept and redistribute the abundance you receive.

Be ready to have a blessed and abundant day!

Today's Insight:

Today I am ready and open to accept the blessings and abundance the universe has to offer.

Making Sense…

I say a little prayer for you...

 

We live in a time where many of us have lost faith or perhaps just misplaced it. What happened to the practice of saying a prayer every morning when we woke up and every evening when we went to bed? What happened to saying a prayer for our loved ones, our spouses, our parents, children, friends, neighbours, the sick and the needy, world peace? Don't get it twisted, I'm not saying we should all go out and become über devout members of whatever belief system we follow, all I am asking for is that we go back to a time when faith in a higher being came standard, was unquestioned and was almost second nature. A time when we were not tainted by the fast paced self absorbed lives we live.

 

We take an interest in the well being of our business partners, colleges and Bosses, because at the end of the day, it directly affects our pockets, right. Well the well being of our life partners is far more important; they are after all the person we go home to after a long, hard day at the office. They are the ones who pick up the slack when we are not around. Who take care of us when we are ill and who we are going to share our old age with.

 

So in the interest of everything that is great about having a wife, I would like to share this little prayer that I say regularly for my wife and our marriage, with you.

 

Dear [insert the name of your Deity]...

 
 

Bless my marriage today.

Bless me and my wife/husband with a clear vision of Your purpose for our union.

Bless us by ordering our steps.

Bless our prayers for each other.

Bless us with safety from all harm.

Bless us with a peaceful and loving home.

Bless us with hearts that are open and filled with gentle compassion for each other.

Bless us so that we will remember to compliment and encourage each other.

Bless us with strength from the inside that spills forth to the outside so that no weapon can be forged against or within us.

Bless my wife/husband in everything that s/he does this day.

Bless her/his thoughts, words and deeds in every situation and under all circumstances.

Bless and fill my wife's/husband's heart with overwhelming peace and joy.

Hear her/his every concern and bring every appropriate solution to her/his mind clearly and gently.

Bless me with patience so that I may be a more tolerant partner.

Bless me to know and to see only things that really matter and to surrender all habits of thought or speech that breed discord.

Bless our finances today. Remind us to see our resources wisely and to give of our first fruits to You.

Bless us so that we will cooperate with each other.

Bless us so that we will see the goodness of Your presence in each other.

Bless us with kind thoughts of each other that spill forth from our mouths as kind words.

Bless us to know when to speak up and when to listen.

Bless us to hear with our hearts, not our hurts.

Bless our marriage to be a breeding place for Your presence and Your love.

Dear [insert the name of your Deity], I invite You into the centre of my marriage so that it may grow to be all that You created it to be.

For the Blessings of Your peaceful, loving presence in the centre of my marriage, I am so grateful.

 
 

Let it be so!

And So It Is!

...prayer by Iyanla Vanzant, from her book - Every day I Pray

 

Today's Insight:

            Today I will take 5 minutes out of my day to say a little prayer for the love(s) of and in my life...

who am i?

22:15 2006/09/23

who am i?
here are some of the labels i have used to identify myself: i am a human, i am an african, i am a south african, i am a muslim, i am a coloured, i am an indian, i am black, i am a man, i am a hip-hop head, i am creative, i am different, i am a rebel, i am a revolutionary, i am deep, i am concious, i am unique, i am a poet, i am whatever you say i am, i am all of these things and none of them at the same time.

we all have our own truths and they change with the circumstances we find ourselve in at any given moment.

i am




since about a month before my 24th birthday (4yrs ago, July 2002) i started having issue with my age. more specifically, issues about personal achievments related to my age. i have come to realise that those age linked goals have never been my own. they were dictated to me, subliminally, by a society that is preoccupied with material wealth and secular success. two ideals i haven't really sought to achieve, believing instead in the mastering of my core values; taught to me by my parents and extended family; and ensuring i go about my life and work living by those values.

another big issue for me has been the question of identity. around the time that i was in standard 8 (i.e. gade 10), i really got into hip-hop and with that came a whole new world of information and awareness that i just had to attack with the full force of my youthfully naive vigor. i became concious of the fact that i am black, that i am an africa, that i am among the 5% of the population who know the truth and are using it for the greater good. i became a rebel, a revolutionary! i was going to break shit down to the masses so they too could be mentally free from the bullshit we have been fed for years.
my boys warned against this, spitting the famous " you can't toss pearls to swine" quote. saying that only those hwo have proved themselves true could get access to the knowledge we possessed. and even then, they would only get it in small doses, meaning that once they were approved to get the info they had to prove their understanding of it before receiving the next level of knowledge.
as i said i was a rebel, a revolutionary, i wanted to spread the truth far and wide and as soon as possible. i wanted to free the minds of my people. i wanted to cut through all the bullshit of having to prove yourself worthy of the truth because i felt that everybody was worthy already. what made them worthy? the fact that they were ignorant.(i'm not sure that it made sence to them[my boys], or that it makes sence to you but to me the people most worthy don't know that they are worthy. all they know is the effects of their ignorants and not that they are ignorant and being suppressed because of it.)
i learned the hard way that the rewards for tossing pearls to swine came with a hefty price tag. people do not approve of being told that they are walking around deaf, dumb and blind. they do not want to hear that they are being used. they do not want to know, because ignorance is bliss (one of my earliest lessons come back to bite me in the arse). you see the minute you recognise the truth you have to act on it. it is a law of the universe that your soul must obey, but that your mind fights against, hence the rejection of the truth. we are taught to think logically and rationally, and that emotions and other things we cannot see are not real. they do not affect us.
so there i was, on a rather warm saturday morning, it was around 11:30 am. sitting in a classroom with other students and we were not up for the pepared lesson from our english tutor. Instead i suggested that we have a debate. the class was very eager and neadless to say i was fuelled and ready to go. the debate was heated, i was blowing my top and spitting truths with the ferociousness of a venomous snake on the attack. it was me against the rest of the class. actually to be more accurate it was me against the two factions the class had broken into. at the end of that class (around 12h30) during break i sat with two classmates and came to the realisation that in the space of an hour i had become mr. black conciousness, the devil, an atheist, the outcast and the wannabe. they did not understand me, they could not accept the truths i was spitting, so they labbled me. those people were not my peers, we were not on the same level.

22h39 2006/09/23

Acknowledgements

too often in our lives we forget to acknowledge and thank the people and forces that shape us, make us, build us and even those that beak us. we always end up wanting to say thank you when it is too late. we fail to realise that there is no other time, there is only now.

so here is my constantly growing list:


to the is, for being

to those who taught me that giving is better than receiving, thus shaping a keystone of my belief system, my parents

to my sisters, for being so protective over me, it taught me that i am valuable

to my brothers, for guiding me through my experiences, it taught me to be my own man

to my aunts and uncle, for being pillars of wisdom

to joe, for being a positive role model with great character and real life mistakes and lessons

to lorraine, for all the love,support and encouragement, you inspired me to do something with my life

to rashid, for being a spiritual beacon and soundboard

to my cousins, for keeping it real at all times

to my nieces and nephews, may you learn life's lessons with humility and accept the wisdom that comes with them

to my god children, you keep me honest in everything i do

to denise,for helping me grow and share who i am, for believing in the possiblility of who i can be

to the word, for finding me and reminding me of my purpose

another poem by Ayob Vania (C) 22h09 2006/09/22


Please come back to the list for regular updates. (who knows you might be onit next time)

PEACE

A thought!!!

What is it all really worth? Why are we constantly hustling and sacrificing and juggling in order to make time in our lives for what it is we claim to love doing...Someone recently told me hat if it was meant to be in wouldn't be so difficult to make time and you wouldn't need to sacrifice or juggle any of the other things in your life that you enjoy.

Over the past few months i have come to realise that i am blessed in the highest degree. My life is much richer and fuller for being part of a community of writers and friends and interlectuals who not only support me but who also constanly challenge my thinking and actions and most inmportantly encourage me to do better.

My mentor is constantly on my case about my irregular writing habits, encouraging me to write more often and at times even blackmailing me to write, by threatening to exclude me from events and excursions that will build my performance profile and at the same time enhance my writing. A case inpoint was a trip to Lesotho at the end of September 2006, an experience of a lifetime for me as well as a chance to spend time with some of the most brilliant, promising writers of our time.

The group included Napo Masheane, Kojo Baffoe, Myesha Jenkins, Kabomo Vilekazi, Lebo Mashile, Estelle Baffoe (Kojo's wife) and myself. I also got to spend time amd interact with Dr. Frank Baffoe (kojo's Dad) who last year at the launch of Kojo's books - Voices In My Head & And They Say Black Men Don't Write Love Poetry... - delivered the keynote address and put on the shoulders of the young writers there, the responsibility of taking up our place in this world and making a positive contribution to our societies.

Last year i was also offered the opportunity to Edit a Hip-Hop website (www.harambeafrica.com) that i couldn't turn down.

This is one of the experiences in my life that has opened me up to so many different realities and ways of living and expression.

Here is something i wrote a while ago,

AFTER MIDNIGHT

in the heart of the night
whilste the world is in repose
and sleep shuns me
i play...

leering through the seams
of this nocturnal occurance
i am witness to a different realm as
i play write...

my soul dances to the
soundtrack of this nightly purgatory
channeling visions to those lost in slumber
i playwrite dreams...

(C) Ayob Vania
18th October 2005
01h07am

black, white and the GREYS in between...

Where to start? i haven't really been feeling like sharing anything for a while and honestly i still don't. However i have bee told that talking and sharing your feelings/experiences not only helps you but also your fellow man, so here i am about to share...i guess!!!

i currently find my self lost in a world of black, white and the greys. I have come to realize that more often than not life is actually some shade of grey as opposed to being either black or white.(hence the picture in greyscale and text in shades of grey)

i find myself reflecting on my 27 years on this earth, the contributions i have made and the successes i have achieved, quite honestly i feel that i have not contributed or achieved enough if anything at all!!! That is why i haven't felt like really sharing anything with the world.

i guess this a as good a time as any to drop a poem up in here:

i went to bed high last night
and i rose to find
that i had written these rhymes
that defines who i am
see i am not the son of sam
nor the son of man
i am a SON-of-the-SUN-and-the-MOON
i am a brother to the earth
and i died my first death at birth...

It's A New Day

My tomorrow had already started when i woke up this morning, and i lay there wondering how long this new day had been operating...

The first time i opened my eyes this morning was at around 06h28 and the bloody birds; who live in the large thorn-type tree outside my window, in my front garden; were raising hell, leaving my ear drums filled with hot ash. i took this to mean that it was not my time to get out of bed yet, so i pulled the covers just a tad higher to block out the world.

i have been battling with the question, "how does tomorrow begin?" for a few weeks now and i am yet to come up with an answer that satisfies me.

What i did, and i think we should do, is look at when tomorrow begins; then maybe we can get an idea of how it begins. After interacting with many people and observing many others i have come to the realisation that for a great majority of the populace, tomorrow only begins when they wake up in the morning after the sun has risen. Try this the next time you are with some friends and are awake at 03h00(am), listen to them speaking about the previous day as if it had not ended at 11h59:59sec(pm). They will then also refer to the current day (which started at ooh00(am) as tomorrow . This in effect means that, for most people sleep is required and once that sleep is over for tomorrow begins.

If you think about it, it is rather ludacris...but understandable.

Thats enough rambling from me for today


It never came!
i was promised that it would come if i behaved...
and i did, i did behave.
i cleaned the yard
fed the dog(who's is it anyway)
watered the plants
polished the stoep
cut the grass(with hand sheers i might add)
did my homework
read a few chapters from the book you gave me the other day(you know the boring one by that L'amour dude)
i didn't waste time watching tv
or listening to the radio
but i did play Public Enemies Fight the Power at full volume
while behaving...

but it still did not come.
where did the love go daddy?

copyright (c) 17h51, Tuesday, 22nd November 2005

Constanly Under Pressure

So i was chatting to a friend of mine, actually he is more than just a friend he is a colleague and mentor. He is the person who introduced me to blogging, check out his blog at http://infinitepersuit.blogspot.com

Well what we were talking about (and this comes up regularly) is writing; how to get yourself to write, keeping the momentum and sustaining it for as long a period as possible until it happens of its own accord (that is one of the reasons why i decided to start blogging). i have discovered something about my writing, i write better when i am under pressure to do so, like in a writing workshop, or on a deadline to submit a poem for a script, and now for Blogging (i hope).

i have often heard and read that writers are a very curious bunch with all sorts of weird superstitions, like only writing with a specific pen/pencil, writing on only yellow paper or in a perforated edged double hole punched notebook, or only being able to write anything when they are sitting in front of the PC typing it instead of writing.

For me pressure seems to be the trick instead of routine. i hope that you will bear with me as i learn about blogging and writing and myself.

i must admit that i am a very private, but this is something i wish to change because i have realised that we use it to hide from the world and not deal with people and issues.


Boiling Point

i have reached the point of no return,
My insides start to bubble over
and over i have been driven to this point
for family
for friends
for society
for love
for fear
for protection
for the boss
for my art
for the team
for sanity
for insanity

At these time in my life i feel like a kettle,
constantly under pressure to produce,
being watched closely and in anticipation.

The pressure
Oh the pressure...

Writing in is my pressure release valve.

copywrite (c) Ayob Vania
11h20, Wednesday, 17th November 2005

That is about all i can manage for right now.

Introduction

Hi there world, my name is Ayob Vania, though I have had many names and been called many things in the many durations my life experiences on this planet, in this galaxy and others...

i have many Personalities residing in one body and this will come through as you get to know me by interacting with my words on this blog.

i have existed before time and will continue my existance long after your concept of time has changed its definition and expired.

i hope and pray(Yes, i pray!!! Sometimes i believe in GOD too), that you will help me grow and become better at what i am and want to do.

For now though, i must bid you farewell, and in doing so i leave you with these words!!!



In my many attempts to reach a calmness i have yet to find,
i close my eyes in an attempt to see using my third eye
And pure darkness surrounds me.

After intensive consultation my spiritual healer suggests
A contact lens to treat my third eye myopia.

Am i short-sighted? What have i lost contact with?
The answer to which should be apparent...

Due to short-sightedness i have lost contact with my inner self!
Caught up in a whirlwind of questions,
Persistently resisting the urge to define myself...